Baby Connor Joseph Doyle

Our baby son was born on the 19th November 2007 at 14:55, at just 16wks gestation. Connor weighed a
tiny 7oz and fitted into the palm of our hands. He was very much wanted, loved and now missed
always! He left not only us but 3 brothers Keelan, Reece and Charley, his only sister Kate and the
rest of his family. Connor is now a big brother to his new baby sister Alyssa. We love you with all
our hearts CONNOR XXXXXX

A HUGE THANK YOU TO ALL THAT HAVE LIT CANDLES FOR CONNOR IT MEANS SO VERY MUCH.


XXX CONNOR'S STORY XXX
We found out we were expecting Connor on the 25th August 2007. We went shopping that day and started
talking about plans for our new baby straight away. Within a couple of weeks I started to feel
really nauseous and not at all pregnant like I had with our other kids. The only reason I had done
the pregnancy test was because of how tired I was feeling, with the other kids I knew I was pregnant
without having to do a test. I couldn't eat properly and when I could it had to be healthy. I had a
feeling that something was wrong and I couldn't shake that feeling. We had our first scan on the 5th
October and even though Ash was really excited about it, I wasn't. We went in for the scan and the
first thing the sonographer asked was if I had been bleeding as I had a 2cm area of haemorrage to
the left of my womb. We were told not to worry about the bleed as I was only 9 weeks 4 days and the
blood would probably of been reabsorbed by the time I had my next scan. Back at home we couldn't
stop worrying about the bleed even though we had been told that it was probably nothing and that if
we had been scanned at 12wks then we would probably never of known about it. My sickness continued
to get worse even though I was never actually sick. The date for our next scan was the 12th
November. I was 15wks exactly, once again I wasn't looking forward to it and once again Ash was
really excited. We had a morning appointment and little did we know that we were going to need the
rest of the day. When we were being scanned the first thing we got shown was our little one's
heartbeat beating away just like it should be we were made up. Once the sonographer had finished
doing her measurements she turned the screen to us and her next lot of words to us were not what we
wanted to hear. Firstly we were told that the area of haemorrage had disappeared then she told us
that she had found a pocket of fluid on the back of the babies neck and that the baby also had fluid
on the brain. She shown us what she was talking about and gave us some scan pictures saying we
didn't have to pay for them. We were asked to wait outside until a midwife came to get us so that a
doctor could talk us through the findings. After a while we were escorted to a private room to wait
for the doctor. All sorts of things were running through our heads, down syndrome, spina bifida,
etc. We didn't care what it was we could deal with it and take care of our baby no matter what. The
doctor eventually entered the room and as soon as he placed the scan pictures on the table that he
had been reviewing our world came crashing down around us. Without him having to say a word we knew
there was no hope for our unborn child. The scan pictures shown us that part of the babies skull was
missing at the back of his head. This was where the pocket of fluid was growing which was nearly the
same size as the babies head. We were also able to see how much fluid was on the babies brain and it
made the baby look like he only had just over half a brain. The doctor told us that the pressure of
the amount of fluid on the babies brain would eventually force brain matter out of the head into the
pocket of fluid at the back of the baby. Our options were explained to us, the first being a
termination and the second, having our baby, it wasn't really a choice. The abnormality was that
severe at 15wks that we were told if we went through with the pregnancy then the best our baby could
hope for was being alive but basically that was it, he wouldn't be able to do anything and that was
if he made it through the pregnancy at all. If he had of made it through the pregnancy then both of
us where at risk for a complicated delivery. We left the hospital in a bit of a daze supposedly
having a choice to make, but our choice had already been made, there was no way we could put a tiny
helpless baby through what lay ahead for him. We went home and started ringing around the family
letting them know what was going on. The rest of the day passed in a blur. On the Tuesday I phoned
the midwife (who was there when we were told) with a long list of questions which she answered as
best as she could for us. We spent the rest of the day researching the internet for any tiny shred
of hope for our baby but as we thought there was none. Our decision was final. We then started
thinking of things we could do to remember our baby the best way we could and of things to give him
so he knew how much he was truly wanted and loved. On Friday 16th November our doctor took us into
the hospital and gave us a 4d scan so we could have some memories and pictures of little one alive
and playing and to also sex him for us. We were quite shocked when we found out we were having
another boy because we were adamant that this time around we were going to have a girl and had even
named her. Our best picture of them all is of our baby son sucking his thumb. On Saturday 17th
November at 11 o'clock I was back at the hospital to start the whole heart wrenching procedure. I
was given a tablet of Mifepristone which would soften and prepare my cervix ready for labour and
also stop my son's heart by making my body think that I had, had a miscarriage. At the time I
thought this was going to be the worst part, little did I know. I had a mild stomach ache on the
Sunday which lasted approximately 8-9hrs. I had a feeling that my son had passed during this time.
On Monday 19th November we took our other kids to school and made our way back to hospital. My mum
came with us to support me and Ash and for this we are extremely grateful (THANX MUM!). I was
induced at 10:10am and then we had to just sit around and wait for it all to begin. I was given
another tablet at 13:15 and pretty soon afterwards it all began. My waters broke whilst I was sat on
the bed and then when I stood to try and help move things along I passed blood, both of these
happening was heartbreaking and I knew it wouldn't be long. Our son was born at 14:55 and all I
could think was that I had done wrong, he was so perfect. Connor had all his fingers and toes
including tiny little nails and even his little boy bits. His eyes were fused shut and his ears were
still a little low on his head, but apart from that he was perfect in every way possible. We didn't
turn him over and have a look at his abnormality but what we could see was enough to no that the
back of his tiny head was a mess. We had a short amount of time with Connor and then we asked the
midwife to take him away and dress him in the clothes we had chosen for him earlier. We didn't get
Connor back until 19:30 as my body refused to give the placenta up and I ended up in theatre. My mum
gave her Grandson some cuddles and then she went to go and look after our other kids for us. Me and
Ash spent time cuddling our son and took some lovely pictures of him. We gave him kisses, held his
hand and told him that even though we had made the choice we did that didn't mean we loved him any
less and he would always and forever be our 5th born, our tiny baby son. We said our goodbyes to
Connor at about 22:35 and let the midwife take him that had to be the worst moment of it all. As it
was getting late Ash needed to go and sort the kids out because they were in school the next day. He
left and I somehow managed to sleep all night. The next day Ash arrived with our son Charley and I
got ready to go home. My mum took Charley out for us and when we both got home and walked into the
house without our son it just felt so wrong. The rest of the week we spent planning Connor's
funeral. On 28th November we laid our son to rest. We had bought Connor a lovely soft blue blanket
and teddy bears and had also written him a letter and put pictures in with him. He had a lovely send
off at 2 o'clock that afternoon with his family all around him and we have visited him each day
since. There have been moments when we have doubted our decision because it hurts so much being
without Connor. But one thing we do know for sure is that it would of been unfair of us to put
Connor through all the suffering that lay ahead for him if he had survived the pregnancy and birth,
just because we wanted him so much. We love Connor Joseph with all our hearts and miss him every
minute of every day, that will never change. We are looking forward to the day when we will be with
him again and we can show him how much he is loved and make up for all the cuddles he is not
receiving now. WE LOVE YOU CONNOR OUR PRECIOUS BABY SON XXXXXX